A couple weeks ago I was laid off from my job of over eight years. No warning, no heads up, just “hey you’re done, here’s a box”. I didn’t cry. I didn’t show emotion. But do you know how hard it is cramming eight years of office space into a paper ream box? It’s even harder when your boss is standing there watching you, making sure you’re not going to steal anything. As if the trust they instilled in you for eight years disappears in an instant.
As I exited the doors for the last time, I expected a sense of relief or a weight lifted off my shoulders. That didn’t happen exactly but I felt happy in a way. Scared because now I was unemployed but happy that I didn’t have to deal with the drama anymore. My husband was very supportive and he made me cry with his thoughtful words.
But now comes real life.
Real life where my husband works from home and is always around and my Mom decides to visit anytime she wants without calling me first because she wants to help and my kids expecting me to clean up after them because, after all, I’m home all day. Real life is applying for any and every job that shows up on a seach because that “could be the one”. Real life is learning how to bake bread and make meals at home because it saves money. Real life is taking a nap because the stress just takes a toll. It’s a different kind of stress than I used to have. Before, the stress ebbed and flowed like the sea. Now the stress I have is ever present and it’s bone deep. I can’t “leave it at the office” like I did before because the office is my house.
I’m grateful for the severance package I received (a couple months of pay) and everyone who is keeping their eyes peeled for me for a new job. It’s just days like to today where it’s hard to keep my chin up. Tomorrow will be better.
Maybe I’ll go take a nap.