Archive for the ‘Thoughts’ Category
A couple weeks ago I was laid off from my job of over eight years. No warning, no heads up, just “hey you’re done, here’s a box”. I didn’t cry. I didn’t show emotion. But do you know how hard it is cramming eight years of office space into a paper ream box? It’s even harder when your boss is standing there watching you, making sure you’re not going to steal anything. As if the trust they instilled in you for eight years disappears in an instant.
As I exited the doors for the last time, I expected a sense of relief or a weight lifted off my shoulders. That didn’t happen exactly but I felt happy in a way. Scared because now I was unemployed but happy that I didn’t have to deal with the drama anymore. My husband was very supportive and he made me cry with his thoughtful words.
But now comes real life.
Real life where my husband works from home and is always around and my Mom decides to visit anytime she wants without calling me first because she wants to help and my kids expecting me to clean up after them because, after all, I’m home all day. Real life is applying for any and every job that shows up on a seach because that “could be the one”. Real life is learning how to bake bread and make meals at home because it saves money. Real life is taking a nap because the stress just takes a toll. It’s a different kind of stress than I used to have. Before, the stress ebbed and flowed like the sea. Now the stress I have is ever present and it’s bone deep. I can’t “leave it at the office” like I did before because the office is my house.
I’m grateful for the severance package I received (a couple months of pay) and everyone who is keeping their eyes peeled for me for a new job. It’s just days like to today where it’s hard to keep my chin up. Tomorrow will be better.
Maybe I’ll go take a nap.
Over my lunch break today, I went to Kmart. Yeah, it’s not my favorite store but it’s the closest, most easily accessible place to get “stuff” and I only have 30 minutes on my lunch break, so it fit the bill today.
As I was walking up to the checkout counter, one of the cashiers said loudly (they always seem loud), “Well, as long as I follow the 10 Commandments, I don’t see why I need to go to church.”
Now, I’m your typical, guilty Catholic. I adore the Catholic faith and what it stands for, but I’m not so great with the guilt part of it. So after the cashier said this, I automatically thought: “Is God giving me a chance to preach my faith and stand up for what I believe in?” But I didn’t. I chickened out. Why? Because I didn’t want to get into a deep faith conversation with a Kmart cashier when my sole intent in going there was to go quickly. Plus I truly don’t believe she’s followed the 10 Commandments with conviction her whole life. Who has? Not me. And honestly, could she recite what they even are? (Here they are! http://www.allabouttruth.org/10-Commandments.htm)
So I said nothing. I kind of wish I would’ve said something, but I didn’t. I did say a prayer for her though. I feel that everyone would benefit from some type of Christian community. Does the Catholic Church have problems at the moment? Sure it does. But I have faith in what the Church represents and that’s why I go to mass every Sunday and involve my kids in the Church as much as I can. I have faith, I believe in God.
Now, I’m sure there will be some naysayer comments on here. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I’m just sharing mine. Catholics aren’t perfect, but there’s something strengthening about being a Christian. Especially a Christian who celebrates their faith with their church community.
I’ve come to the realization that my lunch breaks are just too boring to blog about on a regular basis. Oh sure, some of them are funny as hell, and some of them are entertaining, but others are just like . . . meh. So I’m going to start incorporating what I HEAR on my lunch breaks. Like sometimes I hear people say really dumb/funny/stupid/random things and I just have to blog about it. So with that being said, welcome to my new goal in life: blogging about lunch and random phrases. 🙂
On a different note, I’ve decided to write a book about my son’s past surgeries. I have absolutely no idea where to start. I have the narrative completed, I just need someone to make me pictures and a publisher. Easy, right? LOL I understand that it’s a tough industry to crack into, but I’m going to give it a shot. It’s go time!
Wow it’s been some serious time since I last posted, but all is well. I haven’t been feeling very “write-y” lately and I tend to be very sensitive when I receive any kind of negative feedback, so I tend to shy away from any confrontation regarding it/my blog/writing.
Today for lunch I ran to Petsmart to get kitty litter and kitty food. It is so freaking cold out there, but my cat needs to eat, so my hat and gloves shall prevail. Then I got gas and realized I’m about 400 miles over on my oil change. How does that happen? I look and look and I still have 1,000 miles to go and then BAM – I’m way over.
I’m still at my current job, still doing good work with all the students that come to me. I’m lucky to have a job in this economy, especially one that pays above minimum wage. 🙂
Back to work, just wanted to check in with y’all!
P.S. Supernatural is on tonight, new episode, so excited.
- Good things come to those who wait.
Today for lunch I went for a walk. I needed some time to unwind as this week has been kind of . . . alternate universe bipolar.
First on Monday, we had a going away party for a dear coworker of mine. I will miss her a lot since we confide in each other when things get tough. I feel slightly alone now at work, even though I have plenty of other coworkers. I just don’t trust them as far as I can throw them.
On Tuesday, I had a longer lunch break and I was going to work out. In fact, I was actually kind of looking forward to a sweaty, grueling treadmill and weight infused lunch. I figured, 1:30 p.m., who would be using the exercise room? Of course, I go in, and another coworker is on the treadmill. Let me rephrase, another CHATTY coworker was on the treadmill. So, in my frustration at the destruction of my plans, I drove to Barnes and Noble and bought a book that was released that day. And then I started to read it. Oh, and I bought a Godiva chocolate bar too, so pretty much the antithesis of working out.
Then today, my husband and I had a tough argument in the morning. We pretty much never fight, so this was a surprise and kind of shocking in that we actually yelled at each other. He said some things that offended me, I chose to use my potty mouth, and we were not smart about it. So over my lunch break today, I took a walk around the pond nearby to clear my head. Very awesome day outside, weather wise. Here is a little video about it (don’t watch it if birds freak you out):
(Apparently I can only post actual videos if I purchase the “video upgrade” through WordPress. I think not.)
So now I’m back at work, pushing paperwork and processing graduates in our system. Hopefully tonight will be better. 🙂
Walks and any kind of down time are much-needed for women of today.
The one thing that kind of ups my day is that the season 8 premiere of Supernatural is on tonight. So a little redemption for this poopy day!
The wonderful Foo Fighters have a song called “Walk”. I heard it on the radio over lunch today and hummed along since I don’t know all the words and can’t quite match Dave Grohl anyway. 🙂 Here’s some info: http://www.metrolyrics.com/walk-lyrics-foo-fighters.html
One of the lyrics at the beginning are:
To whom it may concern
I think I lost my way
Getting good at starting over
Every time that I return
So that kind of sums up how I’m feeling today. I have good intentions on many things, start strong, and then fizzle out. Like weight loss for example. Do good for a few weeks, then fizzle. I know I have to keep the faith, but days like this, I’m not really in the “go team” mood. So what did I do instead? I smoked a cigarette.
Now let me clarify something, I don’t smoke. Well, almost never. If I’m having a bad day, or having a drink with smoking friends, I might have one. But it’s not something I do a lot of. So today I am having a bad day so I smoked one cigarette. I can see why people get addicted, it’s very calming. Yes, I know, the issues outweigh the benefits, blah blah blah, but I’m just saying I get it.
So I sat in my car, smoked a cigarette, meditated, listening to Foo Fighters, and just sat. Was still. It was therapeutic in a way. It gave me strength to go back to my job for the rest of the day and gave me a bit of a reprieve in the midst of society-/self-imposed madness.
Now back at work, trying to look busy, I will look forward to my next check point of the day: going home.
Those are my deep thoughts for today. More tomorrow!
Doing some rebellious is okay as long as it doesn’t cause permanent damage.
Foo Fighters is fun to listen to.